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Welcome To My
Journal
Hello my friends - Check this space
regularly for my observations, commentaries and caffeine
induced ramblings. I promise to make you think, make you laugh and make you
angry because I can't spell. Let me know what you think. Just email me by
clicking on the Contact Yolanda box. Love and Hugs, Y
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February 23, 2005 and I am so ASHAMED. Would
you look at this. I haven't written in this journal since April of last
year. Yes, there was the matter of the dead computer(s), then some tricky
stuff with my website - my error of course. Actually, I could come up with a
couple of other excuses but...none of them really hold water. I just didn't do
it and I apologize.
The bottom line is that I am BACK! Eager
to hear from you about your love and money issues. Watch this space. I'll be
sharing lots in the coming weeks. Hope you'll do the same.
Friday April 9, 2004 - GRIN and BARE IT.
Here's part of an email I received and cleaned up a little. "My
girlfriend had her (fiancé) go to the doctor for a Aids exam along with having
his (rear end) examined before they were married. He was uncomfortable at
first but he said that he had nothing to hide and it put her at ease, so he did
it. If he would not have done it, she would not be married to him
now."
There are so many things that bother me
about this that I hardly know where to start. I'll only say that if your
instincts tell you something's not right, I really don't know if a doctor's
examination is enough to quell those concerns.
I'll do this on the show next week but
I'd love to hear what you've got to say.
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Saturday April 3, 2004 - Here's
part of an email I received recently.
I went to a club and was introduced to this lady by my friend who mentioned I
was a truck driver. Well, needless to say, the dollar signs went up in this
lady's head and as the night went on and the goodnights were said she just
came right out and said "give me $90.00 for my cell bill." Well
after a moment I said you
don't even know me, and why should I give you my money for your bill? She said
you are a truck driver and you have it like that...That was a real trip.
Why do some females
act like that and then get upset when they are told no? And they wonder why
men treat them badly.
Response:
My friend... people tell us who they are very quickly... we just have
to pay attention. She did you a favor and you were smart enough to walk.
Women who behave like this are driven not by confidence but by fear. It's
not that she really feels entitled to your money, that makes no sense, it's
just that she has limited relationship skills and tools. You are so
right, this kind of thinking sets a woman up for all kinds of dangerous
behavior and situations.
As for future encounters, listen not
only to what they are saying, pay attention to what they are talking
about. Does she talk about ideas, possibilities, goals or does she
just talk about people? This will give you a good clue to what
important to her. Hopefully, the next lady you meet will prove to be about
more than getting her cell phone bill paid.
Thursday April 1,2004 -Drop and give me
ten A few warm
rays of sun found their way though the clouds today, landed on my face and sent
me into a serious panic. Spring is here and I've still got 10 pounds to
loose. That's not so bad. Really - you can drop 10 pretty quickly. The problem
is that this 10 is on top of the other 10 that I was supposed to loose after too
merry a Christmas.
So back to the gym for Boot Camp with
Sarge. Two hours in the morning of a handsome, muscular man with a heavy Jamaican
accent counting at me. I've been absent from class for a few months
(obviously) so he now has license to taunt.
A solid half hour of sit-ups. Seemingly endless lifting and lowering of weights.
He stands in front of me waiting for some sign that I might be giving up. Such
intimidation. Such pressure. He knows- that I know -that if I stop, he'll take
the count all the way back the beginning and I'll feel the instant wrath of my
Boot Camp buddies.
So now, my biceps hurt and my triceps
sting. (Do I have any more cepts?) He always ends the class with the same phase,
" Drop and give me ten." Oh, if it were only that easy Sarge, I'd
gladly give you 20.
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Wednesday March 31, 2004 -Stress
kills. Keep exploring and experimenting until you find something that works to
relax you at the first sign that stress is creeping up on you. Think of it as an
instant vacation. Ten minutes in that special place gets you back to being
yourself again.
It's like "time out" for adults. Actually, in our hectic world, the
thought of standing quietly in the corner for 15 minutes ain't such a bad one.
I'll meet you there.
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Tuesday March 30, 2004 -The Girlfriend
Rules
Had a recent experience with a female acquaintance and quickly realized that
she had no clue about the girlfriend rules. Because we come equipped with
basic safety concerns, there are rules that apply when you are out with female
friends. For example: if you are driving, you never pull off until you see that
she is safely inside her door and the lights are turned on. Example: if you are
going to disappear with the cute hunk you just met, you let the other girlfriend
know what you're up too both for your own safety and her peace of mind.
Example: you have planned to meet your girlfriend at some pre-determined time
and location...and you don't show up and you don't call. My goodness that kind
of behavior is more than rude, it goes straight to selfish, inconsiderate,
thoughtless, neurotic nut.
OK maybe not neurotic nut but people who behave in this way, never seem to
understand why no one lasts around them. They seem to have no clue as to
why when they really need someone there is no one to call. If you've been
behaving like this think about the negative feelings you are creating. If
people in your life are behaving like this, consider why you keep them
around?. Maybe more important to consider why you would tolerate this kind
of behavior from a so-called friend?
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Monday March 29, 2004 -An Honest To
Goodness Man
Caught just a small segment of a documentary yesterday the subject of which
was a wonderful African American actress. (Yeah it was the middle of the
afternoon and I was catnapping and didn't catch her name.) Anyway, she was
talking about her life with such passion, it was inspiring and moving. She reminisced
about the men in her life and stopped fondly with thoughts of one man in
particular. She referred to him as an "Honest to Goodness Man." I
loved the phrase and it certainly gives you pause to think about what she meant.
In these days where genders traditional roles are as twisted as Michael
Jackson's moves and further confused by the well manicured, well coiffed
Metrosexual, it certainly is worth thinking about. How do you define ...an
honest to goodness man?
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Saturday March 27, 2004 - The Need to
Unplug from the Disconnected
A woman I am coaching is dealing with an issue that is starting to surface
with regularity among many of my clients. She grew up in a home where
there was little love and affection. She recognizes the affect that particular
family history has had on her adult relationships. What she is dealing
with now is her constant attraction to men who also treat her in a disconnected
way. She thinks she has become a magnet for men who can't connect to a
woman. Actually, I know (and she's starting to consider) that she is, in fact,
seeking them out. People who are careful not to do no more than meet her minimum
needs. People who practice the fine art of emotional restraint. It makes
it so easy and comfortable for them to dehumanize her so when he decides it's
over he feels nothing even close to remorse, or pain or guilt.
We're working to unplug her from the disconnected and giving her better
skills to select potential partners. Are you noticing this same trend? Are
you running into men who want to keep their relationship with you tightly
wrapped and emotionally limited. Men who just can't (not won't) make a
connection. If you find yourself in the same position, please let me know and
we'll talk about it soon on the show. Thanks.
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Thursday March 25, 2004 -
Just one more cute little something!
Up early but barely keeping the eyes open today. After last nights show on how
the clutter in our lives can negatively affect our relationships, I came home
and took a good look around my house. It's all pretty neat (most of the time)
but honestly, there is just way to much stuff. I'm a collector. I admit it and I
love finding some cute little something to put on a shelf or display.
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Just after 1:00 a.m. I started with my kitchen. How many dessert plates do you
need? I've got dozens in all shapes and colors. The irony is that I've sworn off
dessert. By 2:30 a.m. I had created a pile of dishes, odd glasses and unused
cookware that is heading today to my favorite Salvation Army. Getting rid
of clutter is such a wonderful feeling. I feel emotionally lighter and plan to
take on one of my closets later today. I just hope that I can get out of the
Salvation Army without picking another basketful of cute little somethings.
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